i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
