U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize