Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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