Apparently you make a good broom.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
