I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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