Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
