i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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