I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
