we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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