I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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