Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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