it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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