Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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