Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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