You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
