1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
