The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
