Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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