I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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