Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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