this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
