Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
