I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Let's get the cat blown out
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
