Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
