i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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