Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
