How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
