I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
