I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
