so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
