That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize