your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Damn victory sex feels great
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
