hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I need a beard to bite.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
