Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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