he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
