you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
