it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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