You're my little dorito
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
