i just wanna soil my oats bro
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
