I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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