Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize