Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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