watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
