Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
