Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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