remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she peed on how many people?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The Olympian is in my bed
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
