White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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