enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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