I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
