Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
