hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
