at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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