I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That accounts for only three of the penises
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
