best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
