ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
