thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I want to be your penis for a week.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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