You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
