It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
