new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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