Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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