Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
there is puke in my bra ... again
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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