How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
