im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
