Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize