we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
