Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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