Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
