Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
