I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
