Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
