Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
