There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
