letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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