Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
