so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
