i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
