if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
false alarm, still single
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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