i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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