I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
