why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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