We won't sleep together?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
