i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
