Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Text me some of your sweat
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
