What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i think i scared a bird with my dick
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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