I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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