Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
